POSITION: The Equality in Marriage Institute advocates that individuals going through separation and divorce actively manage their life transition in a mature and responsible way by learning, researching and overseeing the process.

BACKGROUND: To succeed in any transition in life, you must manage the process. In the case of managing divorce, this includes professionals you hire. You must also manage your emotional and physical health. No one is going to come along and rescue you. No one is going to supply all the answers. You are the person who is responsible for keeping your life in control as you move forward. By holding yourself accountable, you will have no regrets and no need to feel a professional did not do the best job possible for you. By taking an active part in the process, you will achieve your goals and contribute to your mental well being.

The end of your marriage is the dissolution of a partnership. Think of the process as a business model to provide a healthy vision of what you are trying to achieve and to help you identify, separate and deal with the wide-ranging emotions common in divorces. As you considered yourself an equal partner in marriage, so you need to be actively involved to ensure you are an equal partner in divorce.

Although separation and divorce can be one of life's most stressful passages, the Institute believes it is the time to summon all your intelligence and courage and hold yourself responsible for the outcome. Too many individuals abdicate control out of fear and ignorance. They select an attorney, regard him or her as the "font of all wisdom" and end up feeling cheated and shortchanged when the divorce does not go well or bogs down.

It is natural to feel overwhelmed, but individuals going through divorce have a responsibility to themselves to manage the course of their negotiations and settlement rather than leave it to others.

PERSONAL ACTION: Before you hire professionals for your "team," prepare yourself through research and reading. Getting divorced should be like going back to school--read books, learn new things, do your homework. When you interview lawyers, accountants and other professionals, go prepared with questions that will help you determine how well that person would represent you and also to learn more about the divorce process. Once your team is in place, set ground rules to keep matters moving. Hold team members accountable by follow-up phone calls and meetings.

Pay attention to your emotional health and seek support from friends, family and mental health professionals if you become mired down in the divorce or too paralyzed to get on with your transition. Combat feelings of isolation by joining a support group. Ask family, friends, clergy or your physician for referrals to mental health professionals.

Achieve equality in divorce by proactive and responsible management of your legal, financial, spiritual and emotional life to complete your transition successfully.

Click here to learn more about the ABC's of divorce.

SOCIAL ACTION: Join the Equality in Marriage Institute to help others become responsible, proactive managers of the divorce process.