NPR MORNING EDITION
April 24, 2001

MONEY IN MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE
BY SUSAN STAMBERG

BOB EDWARDS, host:

The song says love and marriage go together, but sometimes love doesn't last and divorce can be costly in many ways. In the final part of her Tuesday series on money, NPR's special correspondent Susan Stamberg has the story of a divorce that involved millions of dollars and a new definition of partnership.

SUSAN STAMBERG reporting:

Gary and Lorna Wendt were high school sweethearts. They married in 1965 and she helped put him through Harvard Business School. Eventually, Gary became chairman and CEO of General Electric Capital Services. Lorna was home raising their two children. Then in 1995, Gary asked his wife for a divorce. It was a very public proceeding and when it was over, Lorna became an emblem for jilted corporate wives. Their net worth in 1995 was $ 100 million. Gary Wendt offered 10 million. Lorna Wendt fought to get 50 million, half their worth, arguing she had earned it as a loyal, hard-working corporate wife. She ended up with a settlement of $ 20 million, plus a quarter of a million dollars a year in alimony for life.

Lorna Jorgenson Wendt, why wasn't $ 10 million enough for you? And I think I'm not asking a question in terms of greed, but rather in terms of philosophy. What was your thinking? Ms. LORNA JORGENSON WENDT: My thinking was I was an equal partner. When I entered this marriage, at that time, we were equal. We were partners in everything we did, every plan we made, even down to the finances. We worked very hard together to get where we were in position that afforded us this money, and he could not devalue what I had brought to our relationship by putting a number such as that.

STAMBERG: But, you know, people who will be listening to you will think in terms of greed. They'll say, 'Gee, $ 10 million. I can't even begin dreaming of that. Why couldn't she have just left it at that?'

Ms. WENDT: It's interesting, I have never had anyone, in all the telephone calls, in all the people stopping me, in all the letters, calling me greedy. Everyone could see that this was the principle that we were partners.

STAMBERG: You put some of your money into founding the Institute for Equality in marriage, and since 1998 you have put $ 2 million into that. What is the point of the institute?

Ms. WENDT: We're here to provide information about how to manage your life before marriage, during a marriage, during the breakup of a marriage, during a death, in all aspects of your life.

STAMBERG: The word 'equality' is such a powerful one in our society, and you put it in your title. Is money the key to Equality in marriage, do you think?

Ms. WENDT: No, but it certainly is a part of, and I'm sure you know from research that money is one of the biggest issues that people argue about in a marriage. And a big thing in my case was that I was a stay-at-home mom and wife. And in the long-term marriage that I had and the generation I came from, that was--the ultimate was to be the best wife and the best mom and to be the best caretaker and, you know, I enjoyed doing that. I then got the third job of being a corporate CEO's wife and all that entails.

STAMBERG: And for women, you feel, money is self-esteem.

Ms. WENDT: Well, it's kind of sad that it is, but I think even in job relationships for women, money does play a part in your self-esteem.

STAMBERG: But, you know, men's self-esteem also rests on the amount of money they make and...

Ms. WENDT: Oh, absolutely. You know, their ego gets involved. What happens a great deal, and in my case, he was, in fact, saying he who earns it owns it. Well, if you're all alone by yourself and that's your life and your chosen, then you earned it and you owned it. But when you entered into a marriage partnership and our vows were for better or for worse, and it could have been--gone the other way, we could have had debts galore, and I would have been responsible.

STAMBERG: Yeah. What do you think the biggest mistakes are that women make about money and marriage?

Ms. WENDT: Well, I think we still have a lot of women out there thinking that Prince Charming is going to take care of them. And I'm a firm believer that you take care of yourself. And I believe that within a good partnership--I believe in marriage; I believe in partnerships, but as far as having the knowledge to be an equal partner in a marriage, you need to know. They're your finances, no matter who brings home the check.

STAMBERG: So don't just leave it to him to do and to take care of.

Ms. WENDT: Absolutely not. You need to discuss these things. You need to discuss these things before you're ever married. I'm a big advocate of a prenuptial, which is a contract between the two of you before you get married, so you're discussing these issues, so there aren't any surprises, so you're going to discuss who is going to pay the bills, what--you know, it really talks about the importance of money. And...

STAMBERG: But, you know, it sounds like such a corporate approach to marriage. Doesn't that put a certain chill on it when you're doing prenuptials and you're sort of setting out your stakes and building the fortress?

Ms. WENDT: Well, it can think that way. I like to turn it around the other way and think of it as the ultimate trust you have in this person that you're about to marry and this person that loves you now is saying, 'You know, I love you so much and I want this marriage to work and let's talk about all of these things so there aren't any surprises. But since the divorce rate is over 50 percent and it could happen to us, let's talk about that now. I don't want to take the romance out of these things. I'm a big romantic. But let's discuss these things. You know going on that if our divorce happens, that this is how we're going to split this up.'

Again, you know, I would like everyone to ask their partner or spouse-to-be: 'Am I an equal partner in this marriage, in this relationship?' And can you imagine if Gary had said to me, you know, 35 years ago, 'No, I think you're about 10 percent.'

STAMBERG: But would you ever get an honest answer to a question to that? The answer would be, 'Of course you are, sweetheart.'

Ms. WENDT: Well, OK, then let's put it in writing.

STAMBERG: Lorna Wendt, you often hear that money isn't everything. Do you agree?

Ms. WENDT: Absolutely.

STAMBERG: What is it then?

Ms. WENDT: What is everything?

STAMBERG: No. What's money?

Ms. WENDT: What is money? Well, money afford you to do many things, but money doesn't make you--you've often heard 'money is the root of all evil.' Well, I'm sure money is the root of a little bit of evil. You know, it can be good if you know how to manage it and if you're not greedy and you share.

STAMBERG: Then Lorna Wendt says money can be a great advantage.

Ms. Wendt is founder of the Institute for Equality in marriage. Her widely publicized divorce from Gary Wendt had repercussions for his career. Once on a fast track, possibly headed for chairman, in 1998, Mr. Wendt resigned from GE. Remarried now, last year he became chairman of Conseco, an insurance financial services company. Lorna Wendt has not remarried. I'm Susan Stamberg, NPR News, Washington.

EDWARDS: Next month, the theme of Susan's Tuesday interviews is privacy and what it means now.