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December 14, 2000

Lorna Wendt: "Are You and Your Partner Equals?"
By Toddi Gutner

After a high-profile divorce from a GE exec, she founded an institute to help others and change attitudes toward pre- and postnups

Most readers of the business press will remember Lorna Jorgenson Wendt as the divorce litigant who in 1995 fought to get half of her husband's estimated $100 million net worth. When Gary Wendt, then CEO of GE Capital, asked for a divorce after 32 years of marriage, he offered her $10 million -- or 10% -- of their marital assets. The courts awarded her a $20 million settlement, which she is appealing. Wendt's divorce sparked a national debate on the value women bring to executive marriages. In 1998, she founded the Equality in Marriage Institute to delve into issues involving such marriages, and early last month launched the organization's comprehensive Web site (www.equalityinmarriage.org).

I recently interviewed Wendt in her New York offices and was impressed with her. She is down-to-earth and passionate. Her interest in helping others seems to be heartfelt. Here are edited excerpts of our conversation.

Q: Why did you decide to start the Equality in Marriage Institute?
A: When I was going through my divorce with Gary five years ago, people kept asking me how I found the strength to stand up for myself. This question wasn't just coming from my circle of friends, but from people all over the country.
I began to realize that my experience and feelings about divorce were universal, and that it didn't matter whether you had lots of money or none at all. So I feel that starting the institute was a mission that was laid on me. People kept telling me what an opportunity I had to give my strength to other people. And since I've always believed in giving back to the community, I thought to start the institute.

Q: What is the mission of the institute?
A: The Institute for the Equality in Marriage is a nonprofit organization that is designed to educate men and women about creating equal partnerships. We want to help couples manage their relationship through transitions, whether they're just getting married or getting divorced. We also want to use the institute to create a societal shift to destigmatize prenuptial and postnuptial agreements and get couples talking about money.

Q: How do you define equality in marriage? Does it only have to do with finances?
A: No, it's not just about finances. I see equality in marriage as two human beings coming together to form a partnership. They value each other in rights and responsibilities and are equal in everything. Does that mean deciding that each person takes out the garbage 2 1/2 times a week? No. It just means that individuals know and appreciate that both parties bring value as a person to the marriage. Perhaps most important, people need to talk about these things.

Q: What are the components of your institute?
A: I do speaking engagements and seminars all over the country, mostly to women and girls on the topic of taking care of yourself [financially] and building self-esteem. We just launched a comprehensive Web site and plan to update the information as necessary. The institute is committed to [continuing to] answer every e-mail, letter, and phone call that comes into the organization. We also have begun to take on some research projects.

Q: What type of research?
A: We're embarking on a research project that we hope will write the marriage contract for the 21st century. We want to create a tool to facilitate individuals to write marriage contracts [pre- or postnuptial agreements]. We're going to get advice, feedback, and research from social workers, financial advisers, clergy, academia, and attorneys, among others, to cover the financial, legal, psychological, and emotional aspects of marriage.
We want to create a financial, [legally] binding document for individuals to use as they embark on the most important social contract they'll ever make in their lives. We want it to be a living document, like a living will, that's revised every few years and covers the intentions and goals of a marriage.

Q: So you strongly advocate prenuptial agreements, if you're engaged to be married, and postnuptial agreements if you're already married. Why is that?
A: Marriage is the biggest social contract we enter. How can we enter into it without a clear conversation? We have contracts for everything we do -- whether it's a business deal or a contract to get your roof redone. The price you pay for no marriage contract means that in the event of a divorce, what assets you get is left to the discretion of a judge. A pre- or postnuptial agreement is more than [the blueprint] for dividing assets. You're forced to talk about money, equality, and how your define the roles in your marriage, through the guidance of a lawyer. The big question is: Are you and your partner equals. If Gary had said to me when we got married, "Your contribution is only worth 10%," I hope I would have been smart enough to say, "No, thank you" [to the marriage proposal]. We don't think it should be just a legal agreement, but a tool to stimulate an important discussion. There's also a whole self-esteem issue. When you [enter] into marriage, you have to think about how you feel about yourself. Am I the person who cooks, cleans, and drives the kids, while my husband is the king of the hill? Is a discussion like that going to cause some relationships to fall apart? If so, thank God. At least you know these things before you get married, have kids, then...[have] to get divorced. We see these agreements as a practical tool to initiate a conversation, especially when you consider over 50% of marriages end in divorce. The transitions during marriage and divorce are much easier if these things are spelled out in the beginning.

Q: What should be included in these agreements?
A: From a [legal] point of view, it should include each person's financial history. All assets should be laid out on the table. Then, it can include whatever else you and your partner choose. I have no idea what my daughter and son-in-law have in their agreement. The point is, they...discussed the important issues, signed a document -- and still got married. Aside from the financial and legal aspects, you may want to include [such issues as] what each person brings to the marriage, and how [they] will respect and treat each other.

Q: How do you recommend bringing up the topic of a pre- or postnuptial agreement with your partner without causing tension?
A: I don't know that tension won't be caused when you bring up the topic of a marriage contract. So be it. Whether you talk about religion, politics, or sex, or if you should have kids -- all those topics can bring up tension, but it doesn't mean you don't talk about [them]. As an institute, we're trying to get the word out there that discussion about marriage contracts shouldn't be such a big deal. We hope to facilitate these discussions and make them easier to bring up. If you can't talk about these things, then you shouldn't have a partnership for life.

Q: How did you decide on the content for the Web site?
A: We looked at the questions from people who have contacted the institute over the last two years. We saw that there was a lot of interest from people who were getting married or already married, not just those getting a divorce. We want the site to appeal to all individuals, no matter whether they're young and just newly married with no money or on their second marriage with significant assets.

Q: How is your site different from all the other sites that deal with divorce?
A: Our site isn't just about marriage or just about divorce. We take a more holistic approach -- with an emphasis on equality. We also try to deal with financial, emotional, spiritual aspects of marriage and divorce. We're trying to give people ways to start talking about money, which has always been socially taboo. Just as the institute doesn't answer specific legal or financial questions, we don't profess to be the experts on anything. We provide links for people to find more information.