Home Before Marriage During Marriage When Divorcing After Divorce In New Relationships Books Organizations Web Research Tips Useful Terms How to Use this Site The Institute Lorna Wendt Contact Press Room Sponsors

The Equality in Marriage Institute has closed and this site is preserved for archival purposes only. The founder, staff and board members of the former organization are not responsible or liable for the accuracy of the articles on this site, links, suggested resources or information on linked sites. No questions or comments can be submitted via this site and reproduction of any of the material on this site is prohibited. Inquiries about media interviews or speaking opportunities for Lorna Jorgenson Wendt can be submitted by clicking here.


Don't Make the Same Mistake Twice

You may have left your first marriage very pessimistic about the possibility of future relationships. Over time, you may find yourself wanting to give it another shot and reenter the dating arena. You may even find yourself weighing the pros and cons of getting remarried. Here are some things to consider when thinking about giving marriage another shot:

Have You Healed?

Many divorcees exit their first marriage overwhelmed by confusion and emotions and not quite able to find their balance. It isn't an easy process to move from a "we" to a "me," but often this can be a valuable opportunity to transform your life with more self-esteem, fulfillment and personal happiness. If you haven't taken the time, or made the effort to recover from your divorce and rebuild yourself, then another marriage may not be the best idea. It's hard to be a healthy "we" if you aren't a well-rounded, stable "me."

Are You Repeating Unhealthy Patterns?

The divorce rate for second marriages is actually higher than couples uniting for the first time. This is partially because many divorcees jump right back into another relationship without taking the time to really process the high and low points of their previous partnership. Every experience in life teaches us something. Whether you know it now, you have learned things about what you want and don't want in a relationship and it is important to recognize and process these lessons. If marriage didn't work the first time, make sure you aren't entering another flawed situation just for the sake of companionship.

Do You Need Protection?

Often individuals preparing second marriage are further along in life, more stable in their career with more assets and debt to consider. It is important that you and any potential marriage partner have detailed discussions about what your union will mean financially and legally, as well as talking about how you will merge your respective lives. We are seeing an increasing trend of prenuptial agreements for second marriages. This can be an important tool for helping to really define your relationship and protecting that union legally. Unlike first time couples who often avoid talking about financial issues and divorce, second timers know that "sometimes it doesn't work out" and it is critical that you acknowledge this and outline the legalities of your relationship in the case of death or divorce.

Remember, the most important thing to realize is that a good marriage is made up of two individuals who navigate life as a unit. A marriage is something that should be built, not a wall to hide behind or a distraction for forgetting the past. When approaching the concept of marrying again, make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons and then be responsible in creating a scenario that will fare better than your first time around.

Check out Thirdage.com's Second Spouse Marriage Error Detection Checklist

Click here for some great ideas on preparing for your second marriage.


 


Actions In New Relationships

Get It In Writing
 
 

Don't Make the Same Mistake Twice
 
Marriage Preparation
 
Mastering Communication
 
Remarriage Etiquette
 
Step Questions
 
Going - and Staying - Solo
 
 

Do You Share Spiritual Values?