If you're angry...

1. Write it out where only you will read it.

2. Shout it out where only you will hear it.

3. Talk it out with a friend, therapist or support group.

4. Take responsibility for your part in the breakup.

5. Identify what triggers your anger.

6. Think before you respond.

7. Keep children out of the conflict.

8. Hold conflicts at a moderate level.

9. Choose your battles carefully - let the small stuff go.

10. Express how you feel rather tossing out accusations.

11. Acknowledge how sad you are.

12. Forgive, let go, move on.

If he/she is angry...

1. Defuse anger by listening.

2. Identify where you can help.

3. Walk away or end the call if you can't handle the anger.

4. Limit what you'll take and how you'll be treated.

5. Boost self-esteem through assertiveness training.

6. Deal with each issue separately.

7. Don't take your ex-spouse's comments too personally.

8. Stay calm. It's not your anger.

9. Learn to recognize your own hot buttons.

10. Try a little compassion - even if it's hard.

11. Hear the pain, shame or fear behind the anger.

12. Refuse face-to-face contact and screen calls if you sense any danger.

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